Why this new trendin2g which is not in good taste nor healthy to any society? The reasons are not far to seek. They are obvious for a discerning mind. Some of the causes have their roots in parenting. I nonchalantly use the phrase bad parenting. Parents give overriding importance to the financial independence of the child especially the girl child.The recent generation's girl parent's constant obsession that their daughter should be able to sustain for herself in any eventuality in post marital life is in itself sets a wrong direction in parenting. May be they try to insulate her daughter from the examples of harassment as nd in some cases torture that has occurred in the past when patriarchal form of society was ruling the roost. Now in an attempt and in anxiety to protect themselves from such excesses, the reverse excesses are being practised or employed on the boy. I believe it is a case of overdoing what they perceived to be the possible danger. In the process they are throwing the baby with the bathwater.
The disintegration of joint family and the increasing number of nuclear families has made the marriage even more vulnerable. Added to this, the constant interference from the parents especially the mother of the girl is another principal reason for the marriages to break. Once the girl is married off, the parents should bless her from a distance, instead they quite often meddle, interfere and in some cases dictate. We are in a transition phase.
No doubt we have got to adapt to the changing environment, but the question is to what degree and at what cost. The change is so violent and disrupting that it often gives cultural shock. The way the recent generation children dress, their mannerisms, their absence of etiquette are too perverse and repulsive. Does modernism mean disrespect to elders, ignoring their wise advice as outdated sermon. They have to realise that the thinking - that only material things can bring the comfort that is much needed in the fast paced life is false and illusory. It is a well knit and organised family with harmonious and bonhomie climate that can provide lasting solace and succour in a family. This can only make - "Namma samsara ananda sagara". The moment the couple enter into the game of one-upmanship, may be it is financial, intellectual or societal, that is the beginning of the end of peace in the family.
To sum up, the culprits that are throwing spanner into the works-(marriage)
1.Bad parenting.
2. Financial independence of both the partners. This is a great inhibitor for compromise and reconciliation.
3. Education bereft of moral values or ethics.
4. Unlike in olden days, because of increasing mobility, education & seeking employment in far off places marriages are happening between two completely strange, unknown and incompatible people. This, after marriage leads to cleavage.
5. Wrong definition of success & peace in life.
6. Generational gap and therefore the friction between the young couple and old parents.
7. Being in rat race for things even that can be easily ignored or let go of.
8. Both partners entering job for whatever reasons.
Mahatma Gandhi has said - "Life is a compromise".
More so a marriage. Marriage is a continuous process of compromise and a spirit of give and take should prevail throughout & the bedrock of this is mutual understanding.
Mutual understanding is the strong foundation on which the edifice of marriage can stay strong & unwavering.
KN Krishnan
24.12.2021
You have only taken points relating to girl.Why this gender bias?
ReplyDeleteBoys are equally responsible for breaking marriages.Parents must bring up both girls and boys in such a way that there be no distinction.Boys too should share domestic chores and responsibilities along with their wife if they want to have a balance between career and home.It can't be a one-sided affair.The outlook needs to change
Women entering into the job field has commenced(since 1990s). They too want to be financially independent. Tolerance is reduced, and the chance of divorce are more. Before 1980s, usually the male used to be the sole bread earner and all the other members in the family used to be fully dependent on him. The definition of success has changed now, People brag 1. my son/daughter is in America. 2. We have sent him/her for higher studies to Germany/England etc. so the measure of success has changed. So when both husband and wife are financially independent, tussle naturally arises and game of one up man ship comes into play, thus spoiling the peace in the family
ReplyDeleteBefore 1980s, families used to consist of atleast 4 and above children. After 1990 etc, nuclear family meant husband, wife and two children. Naturally, the parents wish to give the best education to their only two children. The change which is noted is that the parents accompany their children to examination halls, and the mother applies leave from her lucrative job to take extra care of her child. Your point of Bad parenting comes here. The children are not left free to take their own decisions, and the parents pressurise the child to obtain higher marks.
ReplyDeleteThen one child norm has already come, and next both parents earning and have no children.
Coming to the values being taught at school, it is very pathetic.